Movies and TV shows will have you believe that falling in love is as easy as making eye contact from across the room, but the truth is, that’s not always the case. Falling in love can look like a ton of different emotions, milestones, and scenarios, and no two couples (honestly, no two people!) are the same. But most people who’ve fallen in love can probably agree that it feels pretty damn great, especially when your feelings are reciprocated and you get to fall in love together—that’s when the real magic happens.
“Culturally, we glorify the romance of fairy tales, complete with a gut punch of butterflies,” says certified sex coach, sexologist, and founder of Inner Eros, Michaela d’Artois. “But when you find a compatible match, it’s often sneakily simple—more of a slow burn than a firework explosion.”
d’Artois says that when you’re falling in love, your body might feel at ease, you’ll feel free to be your true self, that your connection will feel natural, “without the emotional highs and lows of wondering where you stand.” She calls these tell-tale signs you’re on the right path. And while there’s no real way to know how long it takes to fall in love (because, again, everyone’s different), d’Artois says there are some defining moments within the first six months of a relationship that can help solidify your bond.
Here are some of the feelings, milestones, and signs to look out for that could indicate you and your partner are falling in love.
1.Your outlook on life becomes more positive.
Your relationship might not always be rainbows and butterflies, but when you’re in love, you generally feel more positive overall. “When we find someone who feels like a good match and that bond begins to grow (think: all that cuddling, kissing, and late-night pillow talk), our brain releases Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, which can lower feelings of stress, and heighten our mood, allowing us to feel happier.”
2. When you argue, you want to see their side.
While falling in love should feel easy and slow, relationships themselves can often take work. In moments of conflict, you’ll know you’re in love when you genuinely want to understand their side so you can resolve whatever’s in front of you. “When there’s mutual love and respect, you will find yourself willing to see each other’s side as a solution-based approach, instead of feeling the compulsion to define who’s right,” says d’Artois.
3. You’re able to overcome adversity together.
And we don’t just mean when it comes to fighting. Based on how you’re able to resolve conflict, or complete difficult tasks, or go through big life transitions together, these things can bring you closer “over shared tools of problem solving,” says d’Artois, who notes it could be anything from something small like sharing a funny experience, to something bigger like seeing them through a move or a new job. Team work makes the dream work!
4. You want to start new traditions with them.
It’s likely you and your family already have your own, like, maybe you play football every Thanksgiving morning. Maybe you each open up one present on Christmas Eve. But licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, LCSW, says that when you start to think about creating traditions with your romantic interest, that’s a big sign you’re falling in love. “It shows you’re thinking about spending the future with them,” she says.
5. You love how they smell.
Even when they like…kinda smell bad? “Pheromones play a huge role in attraction,” says licensed clinical social worker Ashley Starwood. If you find yourself sniffing that shirt they left at your house or nuzzling into their neck (even if they haven’t showered or just went to the gym), chances are, your body is literally drawn to theirs.
6. You actually have fun no matter what.
You got a flat tire. You had to walk a couple of miles because you couldn’t get an Uber. You drove around for an hour trying to find a parking spot in downtown Austin on a Friday night before ditching your dinner plan and just going home and ordering pizza. Relationship therapist and host of E!’s Famously Single Darcy Sterling, PhD, says being “able to have fun when shit goes wrong,” points to a deeper connection that could be the real deal.
7. You want to know their love language.
Love languages are so important when it comes to lasting relationships because it helps you understand how your partner best gives and receives love (because we can’t all be fabulous gift-givers). Certified life coach and therapist KeVonya Webb-Riley says if you’re eager to learn their love language, you might be feeling more than a crush because “even though you find joy in doing things for them, you want to do the things that they absolutely love.”
8. You prioritize their needs.
Not like, at an expense to your own, of course. But in healthy, loving relationships, ensuring everyone’s needs are met is key to a strong bond. “When you’re starting to fall for someone, you want them to feel prioritized,” says licensed LGBTQ+ marriage and family therapist Adrienne Michelle. If you find yourself getting them a glass of water when you come back from the kitchen or picking up that special, skin-sensitive soap they like for your shower, you prob think about them as more than just a hookup.
9. You look at them when they sleep.
In a cute way, not in a Joe Goldberg, stalker-y way. Psychiatrist and wellness coach Era Dutta, MD, says this could be a sign you care about them more than the average crush. But how can you help it? They look so cozy and cuddly and happy and oh my God, you really might be in love.
10. You’re willing to try new foods for them.
Bonus points if it’s a food you always thought was gross. Weird, right? But it’s true! “Sharing your interests with someone and trying something new is a sign of interest in the person on more than a physical level,” says Starwood. “You may not be falling in love with sushi, but you’re most likely falling in love with them.”
11. You encourage them.
Now, this doesn’t mean pressure, hound, or overly push them, so don’t get it twisted. But if you find yourself encouraging them based on vulnerable convos you had, you’re starting to care more than just casually. “When you both start to remind each other of the goals and desires for life, you can tell you’re falling big time,” Michelle explains. Just make sure you’re encouraging in a way that’s not overbearing, because hi, not cool.
12. And you value their opinion about future plans.
Maybe when things were casual, you wouldn’t consider them when making Big Plans, but now you not only want their advice, but their input as well. When you’re falling in love, “you find yourself asking what they think about going to college, starting new jobs, or trying different things,” notes Starwood. “Their opinion becomes important to you, and you begin to value their thoughts.”
13. You don’t think twice about inviting them over.
“Anything normal you would do in your life, seems like something you would ask them if they want to join you in,” says Webb-Riley. Hell, you might even ask them what they’re making for dinner (or what they’d like, if you usually do the cooking) since you always see each other anyway. Even stranger: It’s super casual and you don’t overthink it because it’s just a thing! That happens! Almost every day!
14. You start to understand their flaws.
Everyone has flaws (even you, bb), and when you start to come to terms with your partner’s less-than-desirable traits—like never putting their dishes in the gd sink—multiple experts say this means you’re starting to fall hard. Of course, ignoring red flags is never good, but letting go of the fact that they’ll always slurp soup through their front teeth? That’s love, my friends.
15. You’re all like “Ex, who?”
Oh, you mean you haven’t thought about the ex recently who you, let me remind you, made a Finsta for in order to stalk guilt-free? Yup, this is good news, my friend. “If you’re no longer trolling your ex’s social media account, you’re engaged in making memories with your new love,” says psychiatrist and mental health consultant Rhonda Mattox, MD.
16. You’re craving the cuddles and not the sex.
Yup, cuddling = emotional feels. “When you’re just as excited to cuddle in bed with them all night as you are to get hot and heavy with sex, that’s when you know you’re starting to fall into real love,” says dating and relationship expert Nicole Moore. “Laying on your partner’s chest fills you with this secure bliss that’s like the last part of your orgasm but extended through the whole cuddling session.”
17. You’re not counting the seconds until they text you back.
You know, in the early stages of a relationship, when everything is so new and fresh that you consider how long it took them to text you, in order to determine how long you should take to text them? Yeah, TL;DR: Not worrying about that means you feel confident they will, in fact, text you back and not ghost. Goals.
You can’t even get yourself to make your own damn bed, but for some reason, when you’re sleeping over at their place, you find yourself doing little daily tasks like this to make their life easier. Maybe acts of service are totally your thing.
19. You notice that literally everything reminds you of them.
Eating a chicken nugget? That’s their go-to McDs order. Listening to Celine Dion? Oh, their mom really loves her. Wearing black jeans? You rocked the same pair on your first date.
Sure, it’s super beneficial to know, but you’re not stressing about whether or not they’re a Scorpio (and to be honest, you wouldn’t care if they were anyway).
21. When an ex does pop back into your life, you’re completely unfazed by it.
It just so happens that *every time* you find yourself moving on, your ex has a radar and wants to hit you up again. But that’s okay: They did, and you’re completely uninterested.
22. You don’t feel constantly anxious about getting hurt.
A lot of times, people think feeling like someone could really hurt them means they really like someone. Which may be true, but it isn’t love. No one who loves you will want to make you feel like you’re at risk of getting hurt.
23. It feels super easy.
Yes, relationships take work. But when you’re falling in love with someone, it’s at least work you want to be doing. Which isn’t really work at all.
24. You don’t have to plan your dates around fun activities.
Because you have just as much fun sitting together and doing nothing as you would riding a roller coaster together. Or something like that. You get it.
25. You talk about things you’ll do together in the future.
…without realizing you’re talking about the future. It’s not weird to talk about that concert that’s in three months or the trip you want to take to the beach this summer around them, because they’ll be around to go with you.
26. When you say, “I miss you,” it’s because you really do miss them after only a day apart.
It’s not just a cute thing to say, it’s a real ache that says they’re a part of your life now.
27. You can’t remember the last time you thought about your former fling who “broke your heart.”
Things with your person now are so good, you can’t be bothered with whatever’s in the past. Especially thinking about that random person who ghosted you and made you swear off dating, for instance.
28. Things you usually hate seem okay—and even fun.
Riding a roller coaster you’re terrified of? Fine, as long as they hold your hand and promise not to laugh at how you scream. Doing laundry? Totally fine, so long as they’re hanging with you too.
29. You’re comfortable with making little sacrifices for them.
You wouldn’t put off your responsibilities for them, but if they’re sick and need you to help take care of them instead of going to brunch one morning, you’re totally cool with that.
30. They’re the “something good” you think about when everything else is really rough.
Work is driving you crazy, but at least you’ve got them to cheer you up when you get home. Oh, and they’re probs the first person you want to unleash the latest work drama on too.
31. You feel safe when you’re around them.
It’s hard to describe this feeling, but it really is the best thing in the world. Like nothing bad can happen.
32. You’re comfortable enough around them to make bad jokes and be your fully weird self.
You might’ve been trying to impress them before, but now you’re cool to hum around the kitchen and wear your pants tucked into your socks when they come over.
33. You keep seeing things out in public that you know they’d love.
Stuff you used to walk by every day suddenly has their name all over it. This includes those random corgi socks (because they love corgis) or a favorite flower of theirs.
34. They’re your person.
When something really good or really bad happens, they’re who you go to first.
35. You’re not worried about “scaring them off.”
You’re comfortable enough to cry in front of them or show them huge, slightly embarrassing collection of Beanie Babies (that you swear could be worth a fortune one day), because you feel secure that they’re not going anywhere at the drop of a hat.
36. Little things, like going to the grocery store, are better when they’re around.
A walk down the cereal aisle can be a very romantic date if you’re with the right person. Doing *anything* can be very romantic if you’re with the right person.
37. They annoy the hell out of you, but you still want to be around them.
“I love you, but I don’t like you right now,” is something you’re almost ready to say. And it’s definitely A Thing to love someone but not like them. (IYKYK).
38. You don’t freak out if they call you.
All that phone anxiety is gone, and you finally have enough chill to be okay with talking on the phone.
39. When they’re sad, you’re genuinely sad too.
You feel their pain and they feel yours in a super real way.
40. You’re actually entertained by their cute AF childhood photos.
And you actually like listening to their long, rambly stories. Just hanging out and talking about anything is fun.
41. You’d rather stay in and do nothing with them than go out.
“Started staying in and going out less” is your new mantra, and it’s totally okay with you.
42. You want to show them all of your favorite things.
Not because you want them to be their favorite things too, but because you want them to know you better than anyone else.
43. You have to restrain yourself from talking about them with your friends all the time.
If you could, you’d gush about this person constantly. But out of respect for your friends and their sanity, you hold back (a little).
44. You’ve started thinking about introducing them to your family.
If you haven’t already, you genuinely want to know how they fit in around them. The same goes for being this fam and how your person acts around those who know them best.
45. You regularly catch yourself doing deep dives of their Instagram.
And the best part is, you aren’t even scared of accidentally “Liking” a photo because you’re past the point of feeling like you’ll freak them out if you do.
46. You want to do things you’ve already done again so they can be there with you this time.
Time to take a return trip to the Grand Canyon so you can kiss while the sun goes down and not care how cute or gross you look—you’re in love, dammit! And you don’t care who knows.
Hannah writes about health, sex, and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Her work can also be found in the Cut, Jezebel, and Texas Monthly.
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women’s Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she’s not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she’s likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
