POV: You are swiping via the standard suspects in your go-to courting app: man holding up a fish (no), man along with his ex clearly lower out (bye), man with so many group photographs you might truly play a recreation of The place’s Waldo (simply …Cease).
You pause with a man who’s completely your sort: engaging, salaried, with images that really feel actually candid and never compelled in any respect. You are about to swipe proper, till you get to his final image…one in every of him with a cat. His biography confirms it: “Cat Father.” You wince and swipe left. *sigh* He was nearly excellent.
If this seems like a well-recognized state of affairs, you are not alone. A 2020 Colorado State College research discovered that males who held cats on courting apps have been seen as “much less dateable” to cisgender heterosexual girls, as cats mentioned they seemed “much less masculine” and “extra neurotic” (!!) than males not holding a cat. A 2015 College of Nevada research discovered that when given the selection, an amazing majority of ladies would fairly date a person who owned a canine than a cat.
And truthfully? Wonderful, everybody has their preferences. However simply questioning: When did a hinge cat daddy get as satisfactory as a dude holding up a useless fish? They do not deserve the identical hate! Particularly contemplating that the bias in opposition to cat dads is rooted in gross assumptions and BS sexism. Do not consider us? We spoke to actual cat house owners to show it.
Take Nathan Kehn, 33, cat dad of 4 furchildren, who says they have been a deal breaker in his final relationship. When he talked about transferring in collectively, his now-ex requested him to surrender his cats, and he mentioned no. At present, he is single and “shocked” at what number of potential dates suppose it is “okay to be so impolite” that he owns cats. Kehn performs into this stereotype by jokingly referring to himself as Nathan the cat girl on social media. “I assumed the easiest way to interrupt the stigma was to embrace it after which let individuals suppose it is cool.”
Sterling Davis43, cat dad of three (who rescued, by the best way hundreds of cats), encounters the identical downside. “Being a cat dad has truly been laborious in courting life, particularly as a black man. I’ve met many ladies who have been both afraid of cats, did not like cats, or felt that males should not have cats. I’ve heard issues like “Why do not you’ve a canine?” or “What’s that factor?” That one is the worst… Do not name my child a factor – all of them have names!
You might acknowledge Kehn and Davis from Shark cage, the place they pitched a courting app for cat individuals, Tabby Dates, in 2021. They made a deal for the present, however as we speak the deal is now not in impact and the app is on ~paws~. (Sorry, could not.) Kehn hopes Tabby Dates will get a second life with the assistance of the precise investor to allow them to “proceed serving to individuals discover somebody who loves their cats as a lot as they do.”
So… Why are cats such a flip off for some individuals?
Prejudice can lead you to consider {that a} cat proprietor’s home isn’t as clear as, say, a canine proprietor’s home, since canines go to the toilet exterior and cats use litter packing containers indoors. So it is easy to mentally equate that truth with an absence of cleanliness, and for those who’re significantly allergic, the concept of cat hair (or animal hair generally) can, in a phrase, be terrifying. Kehn says he is skilled this bias in his personal courting life, as girls usually ask him if his home “smells like piss” due to his cats. He understandably finds this annoying. “I am an grownup and care for my pets,” he says.
As well as, cats have historically been related as feminine symbols – from goddesses in mythology to witches in folklore. They’re seen as “domesticated, delicate and swish animals, thought of extra female,” explains Lisa Lawless, PhD, CEO of Holistic Knowledge, Inc. However howdy! Considering {that a} cat dad is much less manly than a canine dad So biased and dishonest, and tbh, kinda extremely sexist!
A number of individuals have mentioned there’s much less prejudice about cat dads within the LGBTQ+ neighborhood. Richie, 30, says they’re typically extra accepted and when he sees a person with a cat on a courting profile, “I am already occupied with how it might actually be difficult in the long term to have each cats. acclimate (his and mine) to a brand new residence.” (And ICYW, sure, Richie is a Most cancers).
KJ, 27, who’s bisexual, says she would swipe proper on a person’s profile due to his cat. “There’s one thing concerning the gentle implication that makes me really feel so secure, and I already really feel like he is extra clever, most likely votes for ladies’s rights, and understands superb wine,” she says. (And FYI… cat house owners normally are extra mentalin accordance with a 2014 Carroll College research).
A severe plea to provide cat dads an opportunity
Similar Colorado State College research who discovered cat dads to be “much less datable” additionally discovered them extra “nice” and “open-minded” – nice qualities in a possible mate! Linda Bailey Walsh, cat mother of two and host of the hate podcastsays she’s “unsurprisingly” discovering herself broaching males with cats as a result of “I’ve observed quite a lot of males who actually hate cats, [actually] hate that they cannot get the cats to do what they need, and that to me is an indication of management points.
And in accordance with sexologist and relationship coach Lilith Foxx, cat house owners are extra affected person, as constructing belief with a cat usually takes extra time and understanding. “They are typically extra delicate to their pets’ wants and bounds, which might translate into being empathetic, thoughtful, and conscious of consent in a relationship,” she says.
So possibly suppose twice the subsequent time you are tempted to swipe left on a cat dad. With so many different real courting app deal breakers on the market, drop your cat-dad bias and provides these eligible dudes a shot. You realize, until affected person, clever, empathetic lovers aren’t your factor.
Gabi Conti is a author, presenter, comic, storyteller and shortly to be creator. Gabi went on ten thousand hours of dates in her twenties (so she calls herself a “intercourse columnist”, however her mom nonetheless calls her “a disappointment”). She shares her information in her ebook 20 Guys You Date in Your 20s, which will probably be printed by Chronicle in spring 2020. She hosts Road Smarts for Brother HQ on Snapchat and has contributed to Good day Giggles, Elite Every day, Thoughts Physique Inexperienced, Brit+Co, POPSUGAR, and Thought Catalog. She’s very energetic on Instagram, so comply with her there: @itsgabiconti.
